Kate.

When I was in the hospital, I met a 28 year old woman named Kate. Kate had been in the hospital for most of the last decade, rarely coming home to see her family in Philadelphia. Her brother lived out here and visited her a few times a week, but she was usually alone. At first when I met her, she didn't talk much and seemed depressed and afraid to interact with others. I remember the first conversation we had, It was about the game bananagrams.I never have played it, and she spent an hour teaching me. I saw how happy she was and it made me smile back. We had conversations about life, struggles, everything. I remember the one night we got out of our rooms, and took out all of the springs out of pens and spread them out everywhere to make the nurses crazy. Anyways, when i finally got to go home, she wrote me a letter. She told me to never give up my dreams, and how she wants a better life to me. She told me to enjoy my teenage years because i'll never get them back. She died in April, and i will never forget her short hair and long eye lashes, and her kind words. Rest in Peace Kate<3 stay strong with the angels.

Lady.

One snap shot image that sticks out in my mind is at my fifth birthday party, when I received my dog as my present. She was just a sheltie puppy, wrapped in a pink baby blanket, only a couple months old. My grandma had died 5 days earlier, so everyone in my family was in mourning, and we all needed something to smile about. I had begged my parents for a dog for such a long time, I was pretty much convinced that I was never going to get one. She was so small and shaking when I got her, I could see the fear and excitement of new people in her eyes. I remember how I instantly thought of the name Lady, because she was so pretty. I petted her head and held her in my lap to comfort her. Nowadays, she’s old and slowing down, but I will never forget how special that dog is to me.

Christmas:)

When I was nine years old, I came to the hard realization that Santa was not real. I remember pestering my mom with my questions about Santa, inquiring an explanation of how Santa gives me presents if we do not have a fireplace. She did not have an answer for me, so I continued to bother her. Eventually, she told me that "Santa is real in our hearts". Then she explained to me how he lived a really long time, and how family and friends do presents. I was kind of upset about Santa, but the reason I was crying was because I was mad I was lied to for nine years. I told my mom I couldn't trust her anymore and she ruined my Christmas. Obviously, I got over it within the week and had a wonderful Christmas. Nowadays, things are a little different. Not as many gifts, and a lot less exctiting. The gifts don't really matter to me, unless I'm giving them. Speaking of which, I still haven't done ANY of my shopping. This Christmas has been the weirdest probably. My dad has been stationed in Toronto and Calgary for the last 6 weeks, and doesn't come home until the 22nd. I'm used to him being gone for a week or so, but never this long. I realized how much I love him and miss my Dad when he's away. The holiday's are just strange without him. We currently have no oven, which meant I couldn't bake any cookies, except for my special chocolate chip ones that I made at my neighbors house. Ususally we have a whole bunch of people coming over on Christmas Eve, but it's small this year and not many people are coming. I feel kind of blue about it, and I dont know why. I'm not sure if ir's because im getting older, the weird warm weather, or the fact I've yet to put all of the ornaments on the tree. The point is though, Christmas is all about sharing the Holidays with people you love. If that's all I recieve this year, I'm blessed.:)

true friends show true kindness.

I started dating my boyfriend Spencer a little over a year ago. But, before we started dating, we were really close friends. We met in the summer of 2010, the worst summer of my life. I was going through one of the hardest struggles a person could go through. At the beginning of the summer, I didn’t know him that well. I knew him through my best friend Molly, and at first, I thought him and Zach were slightly obnoxious.  We only had hung out a few times, before I was hospitalized in July. I was miserable, alone, and even though Molly visited me numerous times a week, I longed for some more visitors, especially since it was summer and all of my friends were out having fun, and I felt as if they all  forget all about me.  However, I didn’t know that I was loved by so many people, especially Spencer and Zach. I remember 4 weeks after I was hospitalized, I got a phone call from Molly saying “She’s bringing some special visitors”, but eventually told me it was Spencer and Zach. I remember how happy I was to see them, but also shocked, because I actually didn’t know them that well. When they first came into visit, they were themselves 100%, hilarious. They tried to flirt with one of the medical assistants, because me and molly found him extremely cute.  But the hour and half I spent with them in my room will touch me forever. They didn’t have to come and visit me, but they did. Their kindness they showed me think of Spencer in a complete different way. I would have never thought I would have ever dated him at the time, let alone fallen in love with him. Seriously, we are complete opposites in certain personality aspects, but that’s what makes it so great. He has taught me so much, and I know I have taught him some things. The fact he showed up on a weekend night at the hospital just to spend time with me, after they left, I just cried, and thanked god for blessing me with such people in my life that would do that for me. Thank you for all you do for meJ

Cheers to the Freaking Weekend.

Okay, so on a happier note, it's Friday and I'm so excited to get some sleep....maybe. Anyways, Christmas is coming up soon, and I'm actually unsure of what i want. I really would like a portable coffee mug that i can take to school and would keep my coffee warm throughout the day. Of course there are tons of things that would be nice to get, like yoga pants, new make-up, giftcards, etc. But, I would rather spend the time with my family and friends. I love buying gifts for people actually. I get the thrill when I see the smile on people's faces when they open my gifts. My favorite parts of Christmas are putting up the tree, baking cookies, going to the mall and looking at the stores, and watching Holiday movies.

What do you want for Christmas? What's your favorite part of the Holiday Season?

seriously?

I don't even know the deal with disrespect towards people. Its one thing to run your mouth, but when you go as far as ruining reputations, vandalism, and belittling people to make yourself feel better. Seriously, bringing other people down, doesn't make you cool, it makes you look like an uneducated asshole. This brings me to another point, I think it's hilarious when people who treat other people like complete crap, finally experience karma. If you think you can get away by talking about people and acting stuck-up, don't be surprised and upset when other people do it back. Do I think retalliation is right? No, not necessarily, but it's a part of life. If your willing to shoot the gun, don't be surprised when people fire bullets back. Also, i can't stand when girls are fake, and try to make themselves look better than they are. If you are going to photoshop your pictures at least make them look realistic and professional. Everyone knows you don't have purple eyes, you look ridiculous girl.

in the blink of an eye.

Today, West Allegheny is playing Knoch in the first round of the playoffs. However, going there is bittersweet especially for students at Knoch High School. Alexis, senior captain of the the cheerleading squad was killed in a car accident and pronounced dead at the scene. She was dating the star running back, smart, popular, she ha the life that many people wouldve dreamed of. They report said she was texting while driving when she slammed into a tree. Today at school, the cheerleaders including myself are wearing ribbons with her name on it, and expressing are condolences to the cheerleaders tonight with flowers. Anyone who is reading this, take a pledge now to not text and drive, because you never know what might happen. It could happen to us, and just hearing this brings me to tears and makes me sick to my stomach.

Rest in Peace Alexis, you will be missed by many.

tick tock.

i'm sure everyone can relate to late nights getting school work done. balancing jobs, sports, school, chores, and a social life is something that stresses teens and even adults. there are nights where i have had to come home, get my chores done, go to work or cheerleading, then by the time i take a shower, it is 9-10 at night and i havent even started my homework. then i end up staying up until 2am trying to make sure it is all finished by the morning. many teens my say, "screw it, i'm going to bed." however, many of us sacrifice sleep, because we wanna be successful in the future. AP and honors classes, community service, clubs, sports, and jobs are all things colleges look for when they are selecting there future students. even your senior year, colleges look at to make sure you are hardworking and doing what you are supposed to be doing. the kids that push themselves to their best, work for honor roll, and are involved in afterschool activities are going to be the ones who get scholarships.
sure, balancing a job, cheer, school, and a social life is difficult, but i feel like in the end, all my hard work will pay off. in reality, i feel like more teens are like me, than slackers. i would love to go sleep right now, and i feel stressed everyday about tests and not getting my homework done, or making sure i get to work on time, and i have everything ready for cheer. but when everything is done, it gives me a sense of accomplishment and i'm proud of everything i've achieved.
in my opinion, i think high school should start a little later, because it would give other kids who can't handle the pressure to achieve better test scores. everything in today's culture is busy and fast paced, but theres nothing better than sitting home and relaxing. :)

i'm getting paperrrrrr.

money is obviously a very important part of our lives. however, when it becomes and obsession it turns to arrogance and self absorbtion.growing up middle class, my parents taught me to work for things i wanted and not everything was going to be handed to me. being an only child, i was occasionally spoiled but i knew never to expect things or assume my parents would buy them for me. i appreciate everything they have done for me in my life. sometimes we struggle finacially, and my mom puts my needs before hers. i wish she wouldn't but i know nothing i do will change how she is. i save up money from my job at kings to buy her things just to show her how much i love her.
on my dad's side of the family, they are all very wealthy. twice year vacations, private catholic schools, the newest ipad and the most expensive clothes. honestly, i don't care for them so much, because how fake they are. they act like they are better than everyone else because they have high paying jobs. my dad works very hard for us, providing as much as he can. the rest of the family looks down on us because we are more liberal, accepting, middle class, and actually talk about problems. they ever invite us anywhere because we don't play golf and don't belong to a country club. if you do something in my family that is considered "immoral" or not religously accepted, you will be disowned. since they are wealthy, they shelter their kids from the actual world and issues that surround them. what are they gonna do when theyre adults? they will have no idea how to handle people of different social class, peer pressure, etc. they always look down on me because they feel like i'm not good enough. a 3.9 is not good enough, or taking honors instead of AP. they put way to many values on being wealthy and proper. instead they maybe should focus on being more open-minded and better people.
also, i feel like in my family, people tend to marry their spouse just for their money or social status. in my opinion, i'd rather be dirt poor with someone i love, than be a millionaire with someone i don't even like. yes, money can make you happy, but it is an artifical happiness. true happiness is spending time with someone you love. there are times where i just like to sit home on the couch with spencer and talk. some of the best days of my life were just spending the day with him. sure, i'd love to have an indoor poor, and a massive mansion, but if i meant losing spencer, i would not take it for anything. you need money to live, but instead of being wealthy by inheritance or marriage, wouldnt it be more fufilling to earn your way to the top?

so i ask you guys. would you rather be poor with someone you love or wealthy with someone who is "okay"?

cutting is not an "emo" thing.

http://teenissues.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/cutting-self-injury-stats/

so, did you know that princess diana of wales admitted to having issues with cutting and other depression/self injury issues. do you consider her emo, weird, or weak? i don't. infact, princess diana is one of my role models. she was one of the most good-hearted and genuine people in the world. she dealt with the mistreatment by the royal family, so no wonder she was depressed! many kids deal with self-mutilation issues and it's not something to make fun of or think of them as weak or bad people. they need help, just as anyone does who is struggleing with some other addiction. studies show how most girls who cut are upper/middle class, well-educated, and has history of abuse or alcholism in the family. if you know someone who is cutting, burning themselves, etc, get them help instead of judging them. you may save their life.

does quicksand come out of leather?

Is it worth it?

All the agony and pain

The overwhelming pressure

Is it worth it?

The uncertainty

The chance of losing everything

Is it worth it?

Time goes by

Yet, i'm still stuck in a rut

Is it worth it?

Robbed of my life

The stress is getting to me

Is it worth it?

Once your dead

Sometimes its easier to live

I Have a Date With my Bed Today

My room is a periwinkle blue

It's cold outside, but my bed keeps me warm

The fuzzy blanket comforts my body

I feel relaxed and peaceful

Sleepytime

rant please.

i've been thinking lately on how much our society has changed in the last generation. teenagers in the 60's and 70's had so much more freedom on what they were and were not allowed to do. when my mom was a teenager, drinking wasnt that big of a deal. now we have kids getting underages at homecoming and parties. we have no one to blame but ourselves and the teenagers of our generation. i mean kids today always complain how we can't do anything without parents being involved watching our every step. well maybe if we gave adults reason to trust highschoolers, we might actually have privacy. our world has changed so much in the last 30 years and there are no "jokes" anymore.
we've lost what's important in our lives. today we have girls trying to grow up younger and younger. for example, why would you wanna give you two-year old botox? there is no reason or excuse for that and it just makes me sick. let kids be kids. i have nothing against child beauty pagents and i actually was involved in the child modeling world. however, i do not think it is okay to dye a toddlers hair, give them spray tans, waxing, fake teeth and making them look like their two going on twenty. instead of focusing on what the newest coach bag just came out, we should be worrying about making something of ourselves. i hate to break it to you, but in 10 years, i'm pretty sure everyone from highschool will forget about all the expensive material things you had. your mommy and daddy are not going to be able to bail you out of everything and your gonna have to learn to do things yourself and not have them handed to you.
oh, another thing. it really aggrivates me about how some kids just don't care about anything. like oh i don't care if i fail, or i don't care if i get an STD, or i don't care if im like a three-year senior. like forreal, get off your butt and make something of yourself. i'm not saying if your failing or whatever your a bad person, because i don't know your situation. i am talking about the people who just dont give a crap. move out, get a job, and do something productive with your life.
sorry if this was off topic..i just wanted to rant.

stop spreading germs.

so, this whole being sick thing sucks. i mean the only good that's come out of it was lifetime movies and no school. which now i'm probably behind in all of my classes and i don't know how i am supposed to catch up. anyways, i was watching the pregnancy pact today, and it reminded me of how dumb some people can be. teen pregnancy is no joke, so why do teens want to have a baby? is that supposed to be the new "popular" thing. for real, why would a bunch of girls, 18 to be exact, make a pact to get pregnant. i mean in rare cases, everything turns out fine. but for many young girls they don't finish high school, let alone go to college. it just blows my mind. and then after i watched some akward on mtv to gain a better state of mind. oh, and i'd really appreciate if everyone kept there germs to themselves, because i hate being sick. whoever else is sick in west allegheny, you know my pain right?

Daddy

"Daddy, I'm scared, it's too high"

"Just jump, I'll catch you"

"Daddy I'm scared, I don't wanna go"

"Don't worry sweetie, the teacher will take care of you"

"Daddy I'm scared, what if no one asks me?"

"I'm more worried about them lining up at the door"

"Daddy I'm scared, what if i fail?"

"You're the smartest daughter I could ever ask for"

"Daddy I'm scared to leave home"

"Honey, I'll be visiting you every weekend"

"Daddy I'm scared to say 'I Do', will you walk me down the aisle?"

"That's what dads are for"

Iris

She drank her martini

Watched people walk by

The room was dark and crowded

But her eyes, bright like the moon

Her outfit was expensive,

Not that it mattered

Distracting, turquoise eyes

You cannot look away